Excuses

My other job is working as a poller in an institute where we call people and ask them surveys that take about 3-5 minutes. All they have to do is give simple opinions, there are no hard questions. A surprising amount of people, no matter where you call, or what time of day it is, say "I'm just walking out the door." It is truly amazing just how many people are "just walking out the door" at any given time (read: when they could be giving a short survey.)Alternatively, some say "I just walked IN the door." Besides the common classics "I'm on the other line" and "We have company over", and of course "We're in the middle of dinner" (It's always "the middle" -- sometimes people say they are making/preparing dinner, etc.) here are some other actual excuses that have been said by actual humans (keep in mind, they could simply just decline, no details are needed):
"I don't watch the paper"
"I can't, I'm breastfeeding"
"I just got out of the bath"
"My husband is in a backbrace"
"I'm going to a basketball game"
"I'm playing basketball with my son in the living room"
"I'm taking my son to basketball practice"
"I'm watching hockey"
"I'm doing my taxes"
"I have the flu"
"I have a migraine"
"I'm asleep"
"I'm feeding triplets"
"I'm nursing my one month old son"
"I'm getting ready to go to a funeral"
"we're watching a family movie"
"We're painting today"
"It's TRICK OR TREAT, I have to give out candy"
"I'm a Roman Catholic Nun, a Sister"
"We have to go to a graduation"
"My husband just got out of hospice and he has terminal cancer"
"We're packing for vacation"
"We're going to a banquet"
"I'm in the midst of cooking"
"I'm baking cookies"
"I just got back from a 100 mile trip: 100 miles there and 100 miles back"
"I'm eating an ice cream cone, if I take the survey, it will melt"
"I'm in labor" (I got this one on two separate occasions)
"If you call again, I'm gonna call the deputy sheriff"
"We're getting ready to eat lunch"
"I'm putting together a swingset"
"My son has autism and he spilled milk all over the house"
"I have to go to my wedding in two hours"
"I'm a 96 year old woman!!!!!"
"I'm taking my granddaughter to football practice and they're (?) waiting in the car"
"I'm having a pizza delivered"
"I'm painting my living room - if I take the survey the paint will dry - it's a big living room and right now we're working on the molding"
"I don't play survey games"
I just got out of the hospital from a heart attack"
"I don't have any opinions"
"I'm waiting for a repairman to call, and if we miss the call, he won't come"
"The only survey I have is God. Ain't no survey gonna make me no richer or no deader"

There are others, believe me. Many people offer their dogs to take it, saying "he can bark". Presumably these are the same people that put their dogs' names on their answering machines. That's almost as bad as when people put their little kids' names on their machines. "You've reached Bob, Joan, rover and rex", "You've reached Dave, Sue, and little Timmy" -- no one's calling for little Timmy, trust me. He doesn't know what an answering machine IS. If someone does call for little Timmy, be alarmed.

There are a lot of old people still out there surviving, and good for them. Many times you can hear things going on in the background, i.e. barking dogs, screaming kids, people yelling, and, of course, the TV: "WHEEL! OF! FORTUNE!", The Entertainment Tonight theme song, etc.

I had no idea before I worked there that people saw their answering machines as some sort of platform for their religious views - all Christian. Many people, in different states, who obviously don't know each other, do this. How did this catch on? Are they hoping someone will accidentally call, hear their machine, and then be convinced by it and convert to Christianity? Who knew? Who will be converted by this? It's quite selfish. For example, one person said "You've reached the home of (such and such). Please leave a message. But first, I've got a message for YOU. In Galatians 3:16...." And then they proceeded on a fifteen minute tirade about how "Jesus rocks" or something like that. But that's an extreme case. MANY people end their messages with "Have a blessed day." or "Be blessed." I don't get this. Am I , as a mere mortal, in control of this somehow? I thought only God could determine if I am blessed or not. Can I bless myself? I mean, if it was up to me, I would have a blessed day every day. So then is God out of the picture?

But, through excuses, you see the stages of life play out: "I just had a baby", "I'm putting my kids to bed", "(such and such) is having a birthday", "My father just died", -- you see the full spectrum of life playing out in real time, for no other reason that you call hundreds (thousands?) of people at home, at random, over a period of months and years. It's a unique position to be in, so you get a unique perspective. You see birth and life and death unfolding in front of you through the magic of people's excuses and their unwillingness to take a short survey.