Random Thoughts

Spam has a monopoly on the market. Have they ever had to deal with an antitrust lawsuit? They've cornered it. Are there very many Spam competitors? How low do you have to be to be a Spam competitor? What decrepit, depressing convenience stores must you be sold in? Is the market very big for Spam knockoff product? Who is buying you? When it comes to your choice of...whatever Spam is...is there really a lot of variety and choice?

How come the only types of sprees are shopping and shooting? That's it, just those two. No one ever goes on a loving spree.



One time, my friend and I went to the movies, and one of the trailers was for the movie Mission Impossible 1. This really dates the story. I don't know if you remember this, but in the trailer, Tom Cruise is simply rock climbing. He is climbing up this rock for about three minutes, with no other scenes, no narration, no music, nothing. At the end, he finally reaches the top, and the screen goes black for a moment. At that moment, my friend yells out: "What is this, Zyrtec: The Movie?"
(Zyrtec was running almost identical ads on TV at this time, and we'd always make fun of them because they never said what the product actually DOES, it simply showed someone rock climbing, both the ads and the movie trailer were remarkably similar).
He got some laughs, but I can't help but wonder - what would Zyrtec: The Movie be about, would it be very different from Mission Impossible, and how long until Hollywood actually does it?

Barack Hussein Obama has a terrible name. It's certainly not presidential. Firstly, no one knows what a "Barack" is. The closest available thing in our minds is a place where soldiers live. Which is ironic because he wants to cut and run. (also, in college, he apparently was known as "Barry".) Next we have "Hussein", which, despite its negative connotations, is EXTREMELY ironic, because supposedly we went in to Iraq to depose Saddam Hussein, which was a major factor in the Iraq war - certainly Saddam Hussein was a central figure in this conflict - and it is in the NAME of the person who might be President. (The one who wants to cut and run.) No one could have imagined this at the beginning of the war. The most anti-war person on the planet is named Hussein. The irony is just astounding. Truth really is stranger than fiction. Finally, we have "Obama". This is only one letter off from public enemy #1: Osama Bin Laden. Many people have already called him "Osama" by accident by a slip of the tongue. When you put it all together, "Barack Hussein Obama" is far from a presidential name. It is just scary.

During the summer, in news reports about heat, they always say "check on your pets and the elderly." So in their minds, they equate DOGS with human beings...? Also on the news they say "honor student died" or "honor student was kidnapped". Why does this validate them as a human being? Should I be less sad or upset about their plight if their grades weren't as good? You never hear "C student found dead...public fairly indifferent."
Speaking of the news, what is the deal with "Weather on the 3's"? Why is this so important to people? What is so great about the 3's? Why so specific? Who needs this? Who requested this? Who has all his watches and clocks perfectly synchronized with the weather people? I imagine a guy, drenched in sweat, hair dishevelled, with bags under his eyes, feverishly checking his watch: "It's almost 11:03!!!! Here comes THE WEATHER!!!" And how come some are on the 8's? Why the competition? Some are on the 1's, others 2's, 3's, 4's, 5's, etc., etc., Why don't all the stations pick one number and go with it? This proves it's meaningless! Much like trying to follow weather that closely - there's nothing you can do to change it, so it makes all this Storm Team 8, Doppler 3000 radar, Satellite Laser Nuclear Green Screen whatever seem very, very silly. I hate all the fearmongering. It does nothing but make them look stupid, because they must get their kicks inspiring terror in old people. (presumably these are the same old people that you should watch carefully on hot summer days, along with your cockatiel.) Because there's no other reason for the inflated hoopla. Mark Twain once said "If you don't like the weather in New England, wait five minutes." This is far more wise than Doppler 3000.