People With Girlfriends (Or Wives)

Comedian Amanda Melson has said that the fact that OJ Simpson has a girlfriend "Is an affront to single people everywhere". As a single person myself (Shock of the century!) I would like to add to what Melson has said. I'm not complaining - just making some observations for entertainment or maybe informational purposes.



It has been said that "Even Hitler had a girlfriend". It's even the title of a movie. I think there's a song by that name as well. This has to top the list.



After seeing the Dr. Phil-like relationship success OJ had with Nicole Brown Simpson, the woman pictured above, Christine Prody, came running into OJ's murderin' arms. I guess it has never dawned on her that she looks a lot like Nicole. I guess OJ is killing her with kindness.



John Mark Karr, the inexplicable weirdo that claimed to be involved with the JonBenet Ramsey case, but actually was exonerated of any and all charges, used his powerful masculinity to lasso this quite attractive lass. Did I mention she has a daughter around the same age as JonBenet? She does.



John Hinckley, the man who tried to assassinate Ronald Reagan and ended up shooting him once, in a foolproof endeavor to impress Jodie Foster, is now in a mental asylum. But that hasn't stopped him from "getting his groove back". According to some reports, one is not enough, and he has 3-5 girlfriends. One of which supposedly killed her 10 year old daughter. How did he ever impress them without assassination attempts on great men?



This silver-tongued devil who clearly woos the ladies with his smooth words had plenty of "girlfriends" in jail - and many who aspired to be but had to be content writing him letters professing their love and devotion.




I'm sure all of Verne Troyer's model and actress girlfriends would be with him if he was a janitor in an elementary school and not in movies.



John Wayne Bobbitt Vs. Joey Buttafuoco: these incorrigible ladies men not only hooked in Lorena and Amy Fisher respectively, but are both remarried. This split-screen comes from their proposed bout of "Celebrity Boxing". And like the above Verne Troyer, both have sex tapes - Joey's amateur, John Wayne's as part of his post-castration porn career. A serial woman abuser with a reattached penis and a career in "adult films"? Where do I sign up?" ...."Your last name is 'Buttafuoco'? Where do I sign up?"


Lorena Bobbitt is also remarried. I'm sure her new beau isn't worried at all.

SPECIAL POLITICAL PORTION! -----------------------------



Speaking of pornography, we'll start the political section of this article with this picture that looks like a still from a 70's porn film. That was the start of an America-destroying relationship that is still thriving today. Note there is a second woman on Bill's arm. I believe that's what you call "foreshadowing".



That's Silda Wall Spitzer with the diabolically attractive Elliot Spitzer. I guess she is standing by him.


Senator Vitter and his wife Wendy. I suppose she is standing by him as well.



Larry and Suzanne Craig. I guess she is stan...well, you get the idea.



Dina Matos McGreevey. Apparently he came out as a "gay American."

I hope all these people enjoy their relationships. It is hard to find the right person, and they are all very lucky.