The Suburban White Rapper Fantasy

If you grew up in the suburbs during the 80's and/or the early 90's, and are male, you pretty much HAVE to like heavy metal and/or rap music. That is pretty unavoidable. MTV catered to these two fancies with two shows: The Headbangers Ball for metal, and Yo! MTV Raps for rap. Around the time both of these shows went off the air, rap-metal hybrid bands such as Limp Bizkit and Korn appeared. Coincidence? I think not. The two MTV shows proved their usefulness, then became obsolete once these new bands ruled the roost. Never mind that the bands themselves were embarassingly awful and truly cringe-inducingly bad. I think you see my point.

I personally have never even attempted, not even once, to try and rap. I feel I would just embarass myself. Just to be safe, I try not to ever say any rhyming words. But who hasn't dreamed of being on that stage, with unchallenged skills, the crowd following your every word? It is my belief that boys (men?) growing up in the allotted timeframe have fantasized about being a famous, successful rapper. Every single one of them has. Perhaps some more than others. Some have actually succeeded in making their dreams come true, but I am speaking more of a widespread fantasy than a career goal. They've daydreamed during school or work, or at home while watching TV of being like those rappers they have seen. There is something attractive about wanting to put yourself in the shoes of an alpha-male like LL Cool J or have your cake and eat it too and hang out with Aerosmith like Run DMC.

It all seemed very glamorous and also tantalizing because it also seemed very PLAUSIBLE. You didn't have to do anything HARD like learn an instrument or try and have a good singing voice. At least that's how it appeared. Rapping is a very specific skill and talent, but the ones on TV made it seem so easy. But so do great musicians.

All the major (perhaps all?) the white rap groups that "made it" were all good: The Beastie Boys, House of Pain, and 3rd Bass. No one would dispute the relevance and importance of these groups. I think that's because they all had to work harder to be respected with their peers. So they had to be better. 3rd Bass deserves special mention because they were smart, funny, way ahead of their time, had great criticisms of the industry, and MC Serch is as good as anyone in the game. Anyone reading this should go out and get their two albums, if you don't already have them.



Keep in mind I'm mainly speaking of what might be now called "old school", when rap was much, much, much better and also very different. With the advent of so-called "gangsta rap", a lot changed and a lot of the innocence went away and so did the emphasis on good lyricism and positivity. However, these aspects began to come back and can still be found nowadays.

Advertisers took notice, and hence the "free credit report dot com" commercials we all love so dearly came along. If advertisers have learned one thing, a surefire way to get people to buy your product is to have a white guy rapping.
In case my tone is not coming across, I'm kidding! I'm being sarcastic. Sometimes I do that.

With Yo! MTV raps now a thing of the past, and kids today with a myriad of other ways to hear and discover music, it is likely the Suburban White Rapper Fantasy will live on in the minds of adolescent boys everywhere around the world. As long as there is a suburb, a white kid, and a way for that kid to discover rap music, the daydreams will thrive. While maybe 4% will actually ACT on his fantasy and try to make it in the industry, that is really irrelevant to the phenomenon I am speaking about. Keep on dreaming, America!